apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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