that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize