There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
