are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
