Its about making memories worth repressing
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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