Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
