dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
