You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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