do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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