If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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