If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Randomize
