Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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