Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
