Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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