overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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