My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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