i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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