He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
