Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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