well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
