Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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