I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
