Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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