so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
