The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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