I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
