i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
