dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
