So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize