He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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