Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
