After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
