Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
