she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Everyone says I win the strip club
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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