...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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