And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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