you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize