based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize