dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
