Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i came on her dog
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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