It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
