he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
