We won't sleep together?
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
