And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
