yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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