I think my fart just growled at me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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