Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
