I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
