Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
