Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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