Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
