Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
