Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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