Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
