Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
