You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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