ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
