I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
