i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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