She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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