I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
