Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
