I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
