4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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