I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
