The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
