I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it hurts more in the daytime
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
