You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize