i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
