i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
