..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
