You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
