I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
