we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
