Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize