How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
