Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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