So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
