You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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