You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Randomize
