ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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