just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize