Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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