you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
