last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
