i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize