I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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