It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
