a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
