Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
