Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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