I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
