am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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