I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
