I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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