Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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