Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
