your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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