Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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