he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
