oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
