youre lurking in front of me
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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