What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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