Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
