Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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