She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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