that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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