I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How does it feel to date your dad?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
