Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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