Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
